PLAYING PRETEND

When I was a kid, I used to play superheroes with my sister. I remember pretending that I was flying like Wonder Woman between the bouncy spare room beds.

As an adult, there is a more sinister game of pretend where people feel that they are playing at being something impressive. Its one that my clients discuss with me time and time again - imposter syndrome.

What does it look like?

The main symptom is a feeling that you're a phony in some part of your life, despite any successes that you've had, and a feeling that others might find you out as a fraud. This can create a restlessness or nervousness, sometimes combined with negative self-talk. People that are perfectionists have a greater tendency to suffer from imposter syndrome, as they may also have high and unrealistic expectations of themselves, which compound the issue.

Imposter syndrome may be an ongoing challenge, but often it can become more present during a change - a promotion, a redundancy, starting a new job, returning to work after a break etc. It can also be triggered by overly competitive or toxic work environments.

Why does it matter?

The positive side of imposter syndrome is that it can spur on motivation and drive, but the downside is that it can create unsustainable behaviours and wasted energy - you might end up overworking or over-preparing to make up for it, so that no-one finds out you're a fraud, for example. The anxiety can worsen, and can ultimately lead to depression.

So what to do about it?

The root of imposter syndrome is in insecurity, so many of the ways to tackle imposter syndrome come from tackling insecurity about your position. Some steps you can take to tackle it include the below:

1/ Take ownership of your successes

You could make it a daily habit to reflect on your successes, acknowledging those traits about you that made them successes. It can be really difficult to identify both successes and traits when you start, so if you need to, start with the small successes and go from there. If you find there are themes in the traits, creating your own personalised mantra that reminds you of them can be helpful (as long as you are internalising the traits and not just saying them repeatedly).

Alternatively, you could keep a log of positive feedback received and refer back to it when you find yourself feeling like an imposter.

2/ Reflect on your beliefs about success

Do you, for example, believe that success is about doing a perfect role, or getting to a perfect outcome? What do you need to be or do in order to be successful - is that realistic? Is that fact-based? What would your best mates say about how realistic or practical that is? Usually, there is a disparity between how you are perceiving success and what is realistic and achievable.

3/ Get an external perspective

Talk to a mate, say out loud that you feel like a fraud (it'll be free-ing!) and get their perspective. Or get some 360 feedback to get a sense as to where others perceive you, to fact check that against where you see yourself. The key here is that you are validating and disputing your beliefs about yourself and about how others see you.

4/ Do things outside of work that make you feel good

Boost yourself by doing something that makes you feel good, increasing your energy levels and making you feel more positive about yourself. It'll also get you to forget those imposter feelings for a while.

5/ Get a coach

Coaches can be helpful in providing a sounding board for imposter thoughts, and a safe space to explore what they've been triggered by. You would then partner to change the beliefs, perspectives and behaviours that are driving the thoughts and feelings, through a combination of conversation, supporting tools, self-reflection and action.

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6/ Stop comparing yourself to others

Comparing yourself to others is a natural thing to do - its driven by an evolutionary need to work well in a group. It can also be inspirational for us to be around people who we consider exceptional or talented. However, for those who have imposter syndrome, comparing yourself to others will inevitably result in you finding a reason to believe that you're not good enough and/or you don't belong and/or you are going to be found out.

Instead, distract yourself from those thoughts. For example, if you're talking to someone who you know triggers thoughts of inferiority for you, try actively focusing on listening to what they are talking about, so that your brain is focused on that - rather than how you compare to them. Or, find yourself a buddy or group of individuals with whom you can share your goals, motivations, challenges and successes. Meet regularly and use each other as cheerleaders and accountability partners. They can remind you of all your successes and the progress you have made. Lastly, I'd suggest minimising contact with those individuals who openly judge others - they are the kryptonite to your superman. Reducing the judgement you see around you will help you reduce the judgements you make of yourself.

The above tips won't make you more able to fly around the world like Wonder Woman or have lightening powers like Thor, but they will help you feel less like you're pretending to be a superhero, and more like the actual everyday hero that you are.

Interested in hearing how coaching can help you to reduce imposter syndrome and move towards your goals? Book a free no obligation chat here.

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