GETTING UNSTUCK FOR PERFECTIONISTS

Stuck in a job with no prospects but concerned about taking the wrong path forwards?

Trying to learn a new skill but aren't making the progress you wanted?

Procrastinating starting on a project because you worry you can't complete it perfectly?

Holding others to high standards creating friction in personal and work relationships?

If the answer is yes to any of those, then you're stuck. Its a state that most of us are in, a lot of the time, in some part or another of our lives. Sometimes those sticking points are truly things that are outside of our control - if you're in country that has everyone on lockdown during the pandemic, you're unlikely to be able to fulfil your dream to go backpacking around the world, for example. But the majority of people who are stuck are stuck because of psychological factors, like perfectionism, and therefore changing that is within your control.

Here are some simple research-based ways to get yourself feeling less stuck if perfectionism is playing a part in your stuck-ness:

- Get off your phone! This is slightly ironic, given you may well have accessed this via your phone - but it has been shown that, particularly in women, you will feel more stuck if you spend more time on your phone. So, figure out a way of dialling that back slightly by, for example, putting your phone in another room when you're watching TV (so you aren't fiddling with it), or choosing to put it down half an hour before bed, or switching doom scrolling for looking out the window as part of your commute.

- Do you need to maximise or satisfice? For most decisions, you don't need to evaluate all possible options and identify the best possible choice (maximising decision making), you can take the first option that meets your criteria (satisficing decision making). See here for more info. Also, linked to maximising decision making... stop aiming for perfection. You don't need the perfect plan to be able to move forwards. It just needs to be good enough. Take the first small step forwards.

- Flesh out what the success would mean for you. Having a clear view as to how the change could free you will help. How would your life change if you nailed that new skill? How much mental energy would you save if you stopped wasting time thinking about that irritating co-worker? Studies have shown that a clear vision on what you want to achieve will help you move forwards more effectively. Coaching can help here, as coaching exercises can help sharpen up what that vision looks like for you.

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- Accept failure. As Einstein said, "Failure is success in progress". Its an opportunity for learning. Evaluate what the worst case outcome is of the potential failure. If its something that you can recover from, or something you can undo, then push yourself to accept that failure as a valid risk. Without taking the risk, you'll never know success.

- Break down tasks. Ok, so you need to retrain to get that dream job. That may take a couple of years, and that's a long time. The first step though is to research the options to retrain, and what their costs are. Take that step, before you know it, you'll have signed up and be well on your way. It'll save you being in the same situation in a few years wishing you'd done something before. Having it clearly broken down into a plan will also reduce the risk of burning out half way through as a well written plan will give you an opportunity to feel like you're making progress even through the middle period when people are most likely to make slower progress towards the overall goal.

- Build yourself a diverse cheerleading squad. These are people who will help, support and challenge you, to ensure you remain on track and make the best possible decisions. Make it a diverse group that gives you a range of perspectives. Make sure they are a positive group - no-one likes a negative cheerleader. A coach can help here as well - as they can hold you accountable as well as cheerleading your successes. Change has been shown to be easier to implement with the support of a social network.

Its important to remember that every change is made up of small steps. Take the first step today by implementing one of the above tips.

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